"The Aftermath" by Kate Lewington

messy, always messy

void of time -

memories made

spent instead

mouth fixed to

the neck of a bottle

and sleep

but still

dreams full of nightmares

sheen of sweat

with the tightness of

dehydrated skin,

same clothes, no clothes

food stuck to the bottom of saucepans

or rotting in the fridge

corks and openers

litter the kitchen top

unmade bed,

dripping tap

what looks like a stain

in the carpet,

a wet cloth

discarded on the sofa cushion

a hunger, a desperate need

to vomit up nothing there

for late morning regrets

scroll through phone

where there, at least

is a trail

of where that time went - on

dancing to music videos, unread messages, and

photos of my partying

the party i left, for the isolation and privacy of home,

a meeting with depression,

that and alcohol, my guests

where i disconnect

i don't want to live

and yet -

this cycle of misery is as if the anticipation of being on a rollercoaster, reaching the top -

only to fall

over and over

until

i

stop

and get off.

From the South of England, Kate is a writer/poet and blogger. Their writing is largely based on the themes of belonging, loss, and wonder. They have been recently published by Partially Shy Magazine, Libre and Anti-Heroin Chic https://katelouisepoetry.wordpress.com/